Sometimes I feel like this:
We're a while into trying for #2 and have 5 rounds of fertility treatment behind us...all unsuccessful. With our family being warped into student mode again, we've decided to put treatment aside for a few years. Coming to that realization of no new baby in our family, at least for a while, was very difficult. I know we've already been blessed so much with our sweet boy and I can't really convey how truly wonderful he is. I am thankful every day for him.
I know the Lord has a plan for me, and I also happen to know that my plan and His plan have been very different, haha. I've been working on seeing my life the way He sees it so I can be more accepting and happy with my life. I know that my life is perfect for me and that Heavenly Father has a very specific plan for me. I know this all in my head, but trying to get it into my heart has been more difficult than easy. I'm doing pretty well with that plan of action. I'm just grateful my Heavenly Father is always there for me. He's only a prayer away.
I've always been a dreamer and I've had to change my dreams. Sometimes, you have to change your dreams to keep happiness and sometimes you have to change your dreams to become stronger. I'm praying for more days like this on the horizon:
14 comments:
You are one strong woman Cecily!! I love your comments about dreams and such. And how Heavenly Father is only a prayer away. Such a great gift.
Oh, Cecily. This was heart wrenching, because I know how it feels, too. One of my favorite quotes is, "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Our family has definitely not turned out as planned, but I'm also learning to find the joy in the family Heavenly Father planned for us. In the meantime, you can always cry or vent to me if you're having a hard day! You're in my thoughts and prayers!
I love you, Cecily! I know things will work out eventually, I wish it was easier in the meantime though. Hugs!
Thanks for sharing, Cecily. I was thinking about your family lately, of course hoping that a treatment would work since we last talked.
It can be hard to understand; It doesn't always make sense....but how grateful I am for our faith and knowledge. It would be a bleak outlook without it.
I understand the longing for a baby, even though you have already taken on the title "mom". We too feel like someone's missing. Someday.....!
I still remember receiving your phone call when you told us you were going to be parents the first time! That was so exciting!! We were so happy for you!
And it will be all the more sweet when it happens again!
{Sorry, this is so long}
I would love to get together sometime! If you're up for that, let us know!
Thank you for beautifully sharing your very personal feelings. I know Heavenly Father is aware of you, your struggles, your plans and desires. He loves you.
I also understand how hard it can be when our plans don't mesh with His plans for our lives. It can feel so heavy & heartbreaking at times.
Never forget you are known & loved.
We think of you often and pray for your comfort and peace.
Loves.
Reading your post brought up all of the same old feelings I too have felt going through infertility struggles. Despair, helplessness, sadness, anger, etc. It is not an easy thing to have to experience and I think the only way anyone can understand is to actually experience it. It is a hard road.
This being said, I am so impressed at your courage in sharing your thoughts because it seems oftentimes people are reserved in talking about it. I know I was. Your outlook is inspirational and so mature. I truly hope Heavenly Father's plan for you includes more children-- and I think it does. I can tell you are an amazing mother already.
One more thing. I truly do believe God is a God of miracles. Both of my sons are miracles. Our second son was conceived naturally after doctors told us we only had a 2-3% chance. Our only option was IVF because our problems were so severe. Our first, if you remember, came after four rounds of IVF and he started out as a frozen embryo. I tell you this in hopes it will give you hope. I have no idea what will happen when we try for another. I very well may have a long road ahead of me but I do know when God decides the timing is right, it will happen... whether it is through the assistance of doctors or not. I know the same is true for you. Hang in there!
Cecily, I don't have anything profound to say. Your words brought tears to my eyes. Life definitely doesn't go as planned sometimes but Heavenly Father's plan for us will bring even more happiness--I'm sure of it. Hang in there!
My heart goes out to you two. I wish you the best blessings you could ever receive, including children when you try again!! Thanks for the inspiring post, as we all need to learn more about lining our life with the life Heavenly Father has in store for us. I love your comment about getting what you know in your head to your heart, I need that too!! Hang in there!!
Your little guy is lucky to have you y'all! I am so sorry for this trial. I can't imagine what you are going through. We will keep you in our prayers.
My heart aches for you, Cecily. I don't know why you're having to go through this trial and I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it away for you. I know I can't begin to comprehend what it's been like. I am so in awe of your strength and faith. The Lord loves you! Never forget that! I will pray for you. Thank you for your post. Timing is something I struggle with too.
I was trying not to bawl when I read your post. I can't imagine what you are going through. I had a complicated miscarriage almost exactly a year ago from now, and it was just horrible. It seemed like everyone else was pregnant and due around my due date. While I was happy for them it was salt in the wound. Who knows why Heavenly Father does what he does, but we will know someday. Not that it makes the pain or our struggles go away for now. Sending prayers your way.
Parts of life can be so incredibly hard. It's hard to wait and to not know what's going to happen and why it's not happening our own way. It's really tough! I do know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us though and when we're given what we've been praying for it usually all becomes clear and makes sense.
I hope you can find peace and comfort through this. Don't forget, miracles do happen.
Oh Cec, I love you so much. This post made me smile and cry at the same time. I loved the pictures you put on. That made me smile. But I do see how hard this is and has been for you. I will keep fasting and praying for you and Ryan. I agree with your comments about how life doesn't turn out how we think. So true!!! You have a beautiful smile. Keep it on that beautiful face and things will get better. :) xoxox
Have you ever heard this quote? "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Your post reminded me of this. My sister once told me that quote, and I thought it was amusing.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. It has to be the most stressful thing... right up there with your husband finding a job. I love you and wish we could comfort each other right now! You're one of the strongest people I know, and I know you can get through this rough patch! When you do get pregnant again, it will just make it that much more special. Lots of love!
And one more thing: tell Ryan that you and Beckett need some more sunshine, and that you're going to be at my house all of next week. It's settled!
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