Infertility is hard. It's like an unwanted zit. It's there for everyone to see, is awkward for everyone, and brings pain all around. It's a dream killer. I've always wanted kids and I've always wanted them close together. I had always planned my life to be exactly the way I dreamed it. The funny thing about life is that just because you planned on something doesn't mean it will happen. Sometimes there are no guarantees for dreams.
Sometimes I feel like this:
Other times I feel like this:
We're a while into trying for #2 and have 5 rounds of fertility treatment behind us...all unsuccessful. With our family being warped into student mode again, we've decided to put treatment aside for a few years. Coming to that realization of no new baby in our family, at least for a while, was very difficult. I know we've already been blessed so much with our sweet boy and I can't really convey how truly wonderful he is. I am thankful every day for him.
I know the Lord has a plan for me, and I also happen to know that my plan and His plan have been very different, haha. I've been working on seeing my life the way He sees it so I can be more accepting and happy with my life. I know that my life is perfect for me and that Heavenly Father has a very specific plan for me. I know this all in my head, but trying to get it into my heart has been more difficult than easy. I'm doing pretty well with that plan of action. I'm just grateful my Heavenly Father is always there for me. He's only a prayer away.
I've always been a dreamer and I've had to change my dreams. Sometimes, you have to change your dreams to keep happiness and sometimes you have to change your dreams to become stronger. I'm praying for more days like this on the horizon:
